How I Talk to Myself To Circumvent Self-Sabotage
Yes, I’ve held a variety of impactful leadership positions, succeeded at running my own businesses, and even exceeded my income goals. But, behind the scenes, like, in my mind? Whoa baby. I spent years doing battle against myself.
It’s amazing to me just how much my unconscious reactions drive what I do and don’t do every minute of the day. I discovered a few themes when I started listening:
- I will not do what I tell myself I have to do
- I want to exercise my sense of freedom at all times
- My perception of time is, well, unique.
So how the hell do I run a successful business, raise a thriving kid, and live a life that brings me joy?
I started listening. I changed the way my inner voice talks. I set up my life to leverage the unique skills and qualities that propel me forward.
Here are 3 things that work for me:
Provide Positive Choices, Not Orders
If I say to myself “You have to write 5 blog outlines at 1 PM” chances are high I will say “Screw that I’m gonna do this other task I think is important.” But if I say to myself “You could write the outlines today and free up time next week because you’ll complete the posts in half the time” I’m interested! I eliminate my knee-jerk resistance to being told what to do by honoring my constant quest for freedom.
Yep, It’s the same thing but the framing of it makes the world of difference.
Focus on the Triumph of Bite-size Outcomes
There’s tons of work I love to do. I can get into a flow for six hours straight on something that lights me up. But when I think in terms of tasks and to-dos, ughh, I am already bored. Or if I think about finishing large projects “launch the new site, complete the new digital course”, I lose so much time to feeling overwhelmed.
Instead, using the example above, I say to myself ” It’ll feel awesome to have 5 completed blog outlines”. I don’t focus on the big picture in this moment – new clients that will come from new subscribers which come from increased site traffic which comes from promoting content on social channels. Yes, that’s the strategy but thinking of that long chain of things makes it feel too far away. I’m engaged and interested by focusing on small bite-size action with a small specific outcome I will feel great about.
Make Pre-emptive Decisions
As a culture we are constantly faced with decision fatigue. Total Overload. We have 100 types of shampoo to choose from, millions of dinner recipes at our fingertips. I mean, how many of us spend the entire evening previewing movie options and never get to the actual movie? I’m exhausted already.
And, for small business owners, wow, there are so many smart strategies for running and growing your business I cannot even count. Monetizing social media, Loss-leader pricing, Subscriptions, Digital courses, Memberships, Bundles, New services, Maintenance plans, Companion products, Outsourcing, VAs, and Freelancers.
The single best thing I do for myself is limit the options. And – see point one about giving orders to myself – we already know dictating the limits won’t work. The way it does work is by reminding myself every single day what I believe in, what I want to achieve, and why I am doing this at all. From there, I mapped out my limits and because they align with my identity, I can follow them.
For example, my people are entrepreneurs: I’m thrilled when people are paving their own way building their own thing. So I no longer consult for companies or even people working for companies – they may be wonderful, and I could be very useful, but they are outside of my limits so I don’t think about them. Another example: I don’t ‘work’ before 10AM. I believe in having freedom, I love my morning routine which includes journaling, exercising, and writing. And counterintuitively, when I have less hours to work, I am more productive (hi, parkinson’s law).
Listen Up
These shifts in how I talk to myself keep that inner rebel from sabotaging my progress. Is it perfect, no way. Sometimes I procrastinate, get off track, feel disappointed I didn’t get ‘more’ done. But this is rare!
Your mind is not the same as mine (hell yes, to embracing our own way of thinking!) but if you take some time to listen up to your inner dialog and how you are reacting, you can reframe it to work for you, not against you.
